


Mac's Banging the Waitress

by ceralynn



Series: Fic Per Episode [1]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-17 08:51:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3523085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceralynn/pseuds/ceralynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The further and wider I go, the flatter I become. Like a starfish."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mac's Banging the Waitress

**Author's Note:**

> I found a bunch of my old 2012-era fanfic from my first Sunny phase; enjoy it.

"Goddamn they are taking forever."

"Well, okay, they're gonna be here soon, so, shh."

"Stop digging your hips into mine!"

Charlie and Dennis had been curled up in humping position on Charlie's bed for the past fifteen minutes, but it had felt like hours. Charlie had at least twenty pounds of fat and poorly-formed muscle and, sadly, most of it was crushing down from his stomach into Dennis' crotch. And now he could swear Charlie was humping him, hips jerking gently over and over..

"I'm tryin' to make us smaller, man! I'm trying to get closer to you!"

"Well, cut it out!! We're as close as we're gonna be!" And as close as Dennis really wanted to be, if he was honest.

"No, dude, trust me, this gets me out of jams with Frank all the time," Charlie continued, verbally and physically. "You just gotta.."

"Okay you are definitely humping me at this point, cut it out! Right now!!"

"Humping?! I'm HELPING."

"Helping?! HELPING?! Well you're HELPING ME GET A BONER, CHARLIE."

Charlie stopped suddenly and looked at Dennis, awestruck. "Wait.. dude, you have a boner right now?"

Dennis flushed. "W-well what do you expect, man? You're.. grinding on me.."

"No, no, no, dude, this is good. I have a boner too."

"....how is that good."

"Well it's not weird anymore, man! We both have boners now, and," Charlie looked serious for a moment. "we both gotta get rid of them."

Dennis nodded, fought back his blush. "Well, okay, yeah. Now you're making sense. So, I mean, just, hop off me, I'll go into the bathroom—"

"No, no, dude, are you crazy? They're gonna be here any minute, man."

"Well, yeah, that's my point.." Dennis tried to move his arms back to sit up but Charlie had held and pinned them, at some point.

"Nooo, no, no, Dennis.. we gotta do this in here."

"..there isn't even room to jerk off in here, _Charlie, you're laying on my dick_."

"I know, man, I know, but listen, check this out. Before, when I was like, grinding on you and stuff? That was really sexual for you, right?"

"...w.. well, I-I mean.."

"It gave you a boner, right?"

"Well! I mean!" Dennis was turning red. "I-if anyone was.. doing that.."

"It gave you a boner, yes, okay, so, why I don't just keep doing that until it gets you off?"

"..that isn't gonna work, Charlie, _I'm not gay_."

But Charlie had already started humping him again. "Nothing gay about it, dude, I'm just helping you out. Helping out my best friend, you know?"

Dennis didn't answer but rolled his eyes, too afraid of possibly moaning to speak. Charlie continued.

"Just helpin' you out of a boner crisis. Now, we're gonna stop talking now, okay? Cause that's just gonna make this weird."

Dennis nodded. Charlie dropped his head into the crook of Dennis' neck and, though he'd never admit it, Dennis could feel himself pushing back against Charlie's thrusts. Dennis bit his lip, whining quietly.

"You like that, man?" Charlie whispered. "Is that ok?"

Dennis nodded, still afraid of talking. "F-fine."

"Just fine? Should I be doing anything else?"

Dennis was inclined to get mad, to yell at Charlie for talking or making it weird or giving him this stupid boner in the first place, but something in his voice was almost.. sad. Genuine. Like he was really worried about Dennis enjoying himself.

Dennis hoped against all hope that Mac and the Waitress weren't outside and whispered, "K-kiss my neck."

"..but not your mouth, right?"

"Just do it!!"

So Charlie did it. Dennis bit down on lip again, tasting blood in his mouth and moaning despite himself.

"You close yet, dude?"

Dennis nodded fast, a high-pitched, "mhm!!" escaping him. Charlie kissed him again, sucking this time and speeding up, and that was it for Dennis.

"Ch-Charlie.. Charlie!!"

Charlie must have come seconds later because Dennis felt him slump down, heavy breathing screwing with the rhythm of his own. He pushed himself up a minute later, still trying to remain small and flat.

"How was that, dude?"

"Great, man, it was.. great. Thank you."

"No problem, man," Charlie smiled, gently brushed some hair on Dennis' forehead back into its natural quaff. "That's what best friends do, right?"

"..right, dude. Let's just.. go back to looking like starfish now, or whatever."

"Right! Right."

Charlie settled back down onto Dennis, flattening himself and, thankfully, remaining perfectly still.

"Oh, and you're gonna wanna get some ice on that neck ASAP, dude, I definitely left a mark."

"Oh goddammit Charlie."


End file.
